pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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