We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
