She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
