i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
