How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
