Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
