It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
She bit a glass in half.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
