shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
