i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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