The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
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