God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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