Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
4 words: hood of his car
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
