12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
