tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
