You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
