i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
