Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
