he wants to bone in the snuggie
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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