you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
