When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
