i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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