friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
