you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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