So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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