I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I pour the whiskey from now on
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
