oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
