My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
