im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
