i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
