I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
