the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
