I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
