i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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