I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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