Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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