I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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