They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
