It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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