I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
