hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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