I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
