May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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