Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
