I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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