Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
