So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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