we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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