the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Randomize
