My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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