So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
