Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
