you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
